I didn't think that leaving would be so hard. It's almost 3 in the morning, and I've barely packed anything. I think there is a part of, somewhere inside, that thinks that if I don't pack then I get to stay here and spend more time with my friends. I have grown so much, and have loved so much this summer. I have needed a best friend for so long, and I have one. Someone I used to HATE! (and she would say the same about me) But now, I cry at the thought of leaving her.
It is as the title says it is. I am Knoxville bound. My life is going to change drastically over the next 48 hours and I haven't quite grasped it yet. I've only packed 85% of my clothes and my room is a complete mess. I am kind of terrified for what tomorrow has in store for me.
But..
I'm ready. I'm ready to live this life that was given to me. All of the change moments I've have this past year, since I got back from Cambodia, have equipped me to go back, and have equipped me for this semester that awaits me. I have nothing to fear.
I sat behind a wheel today for the first time in two years. No, this is not the "wheel" you are probably thinking of. Being that I don't drive, my wheel is, and always has been, a pottery wheel. In artsy terms, you could say that I was "wheel throwing" or "throwing" today for a good four hours. I made three pieces. The first was a bowl, and I am quite proud of it actually. I've never made a successful bowl, and I think I have. I then made a mug which looked really gross at first, but after some working, reworking, and more working, I'm a fan. And finally, I made a really strange piece that probably won't made it back to college with me, unless the weird groove in it fits a spoon, and then it can be a cereal bowl.
Anyway. When I would throw in high school (so long ago, I know), I used to think about how God would work us like I would the clay. Through the things I've been through this past year and thing things I've begun to wrestle with this summer it's easy to look at clay and see myself. I work the clay over and over again and sometimes it doesn't come out like I had envisioned it. There was a point in one of my pieces that there wasn't enough water on the clay so it was getting really dry and the grit was starting to hurt my hands. It was actually heating up from the friction.
We put God through a lot of crap just because we want to do it our way. Hours later I'm still finding dust on my clothes and am rewashing my hands because it still feels like there is clay on them. God cleans up our messes time and time again because cleaning up once isn't enough for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah I need to read my own post and figure my life out too. But I don't need to have everything figured out. I'm strides further than two weeks ago. And I like that.
