Cracks Let the Light Come In

Not Homework.

Posted by Cracks Let The Light Come In , Monday, March 23, 2009 11:16 PM

So.. I should be doing homework, but I feel like writing instead.

This weekend I was in Indiana with Tour Choir. Even though it was stressful, hard and quite honestly painful at times because of the uncomfortableness of Turtle Bus, it was the best trip I've had with Tour Choir all year. When on these trips you kind of have to put your comforts aside, and deal with people that you may not want to deal with in every day life. It really was awesome. I have so many memories and beautiful moments with this group that I can only classify as moments with Family.

And for some reason, as I write this, I feel like time is passing by so quickly! I'm already making plans for next summer when I don't have my homework done for tomorrow. I know that maybe two people will read this post, and I am totally fine with that. But really, time is passing so quickly. I have been thinking tonight about High School and how things were SO different. I was so incredibly different. I look back on who I was then and don't even recognize that girl. Who I am now, although I still mess up, is who I want to be.

One day, I will look back on this and think of all the College friends I had. All of the times I had with them. I am almost finished with my freshman year in College. Some of my best friends are leaving and I may never see them again. I will meet new people next year and go through this nostalgic process every year. Even though the process will repeat, I will not. I will continue to grow and to be shaped.

I am fixing to be a missionary. A missionary. Sometimes it is hard to comprehend what I am actually setting out to do. When I tell people my plans most people go "ohh! Really?!" Then proceed to ask me ten million questions about it and where I want to be. But the funny thing is. I don't know why, but I've never really thought of being a missionary as a big deal. It's just what I'm supposed to do.

I'm not really sure where this is all coming from.
My mind is reeling though.

I wonder if I make an impact. Here anyway. Not that it was easy back in Ohio, but there was a youth group there that I was a major part of. I'm just a visitor there now. How am I supposed to be impactful when I don't really have a place to lay my head? Jesus didn't but I would say He had an impact or two. I want to help people. (And a lot of times, I feel like people at JBC don't want help. They stuff their problems because they're going to be ministers or missionaries or teachers or whatever they're going to be... They're not supposed to feel and have problems. I'm sorry... But that's so rediculous. If you are going to be in a ministry position, you should be able to talk about your junk if you're supposed to be helping other people with it.)

This weekend after we sang in the morning on Sunday, the minister got up and was talking about how he had this friend of his who made a huge impact on him spiritually. His friend ended up turning to things like drugs once he went into the air force (or something like that) and the minister ended up loosing contact with him. He then went on to talk about how we wished so much that he still had contact with him and that he could make an impact on his friend like his friend did in his life. I don't quite know why, but I cried. I continued crying. So much my entire face was wet and I felt rather silly. It happens I guess.

This past year I've done a lot of changing. I am happy with who I am. I miss the life I had, but like this one better. Time is flying. Times are changing. People will move on and grow up (hopefully). People will continue avoiding homework to pour out their minds and hearts onto a site that a maximum of three people will read. But it is alright. As long as God is reigning, it is alright.