Cracks Let the Light Come In

Being Content with Waiting.

Posted by Cracks Let The Light Come In , Monday, February 15, 2010 7:32 PM

I want to be married.

I'm not saying this because I'm at a bible college and I hope to receive an "MRS degree" or that valentine's day was yesterday. I have always wanted this.

My problem? Well, truly, there are two. One, I have never been on a date and therefore, don't quite know how to go about doing it.

Secondly, I'm scared. I've been hurt so much by so many people in my life that I don't know if I could give my heart to someone. I say that I would be able to. I say that I am ready for something so ridiculously scary...but I'm not sure I am. I think I just want it a lot. It comes down to wanted to be wanted. I've always been the best friend, or the little sister. I'm super good at that. I approach those relationships with not a lot of caution. I know what to do there, so I do it. I give advice, I hang out, I become one of the guys-I think.

I've always wanted to be loved.. But, I've recently come to the conclusion that I am loved. I have incredible friends. I've never been able to say that my friends would drop everything they were doing just to listen to me complain and watch me cry. BUT! I have that now. Who cares that I'm not in a relationship? I've been so stuck on caring for so long-for a while, it consumed me.

I'm not going to change who I am for someone else. Someone out there someday will fall in love with me for who I am. I want to be married. NO doubt about it. But, I figure, waiting has been good so far.. so what's the point in getting all in a huff about something I can't control anyway? I'm content with waiting for the first time.

My life is good, my friends are better. I like where I am.