Spoon-fed vs. Spilling Over

Posted by Cracks Let The Light Come In , Wednesday, October 13, 2010 8:54 PM

I should be doing homework, but something is overcoming me. Audra is calling it "hopelessness". We both have it, and it's contagious. I agree. So much is changing. Life, classes, people, ministries, churches, view points.. I'm not sure where to go or what to believe. I feel much like I did in my last post. I feel as though I'm stuck in a time loop, but this time it's a nostalgic, I'm going away forever, I feel. I'm afraid of letting my feelings catch up with me, so I keep going at an unrealistic pace. It seems funny that I, the one who always talks of slowing down being so beneficial, am running myself into the ground. It's as thought my heart is heavy but I am filled with joy for new things to come. I guess that's what happens when you become older. Life changes, and so do people.


I'm missing out on some things, but am taking advantage of others. I'm not sure if I've picked the right things, but I think I have. I think when I get back form my internship, I'm going to be missing out on friendships that I feel.. that I've abandoned? after I left them to go on my internship. But the call, that God has put in my life, and the tug He has put on my heart I can't forget. It is what I've been called to. (Despite what others say and if they decided it is a "calling" or not).

I've been doubting so much. Everything I know, I feel I've been spoon fed. What am I to do about the knowledge I have and am supposed to believe when I don't trust the sources they came from? God's love is supposed to overwhelm me, envelope me and cause me to spill over with joy and love. Where is that? Where am I fitting in in all of this?

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