Cracks Let the Light Come In

Atlanta Bound?

Posted by Cracks Let The Light Come In , Sunday, January 16, 2011 12:24 AM

In the Knoxville airport today, a flight was boarded, section by section and headed to Atlanta and landed. People boarded the plane and sat in their seats enjoying the ride that only lasted a few hours.

My seat remained empty.

Today I was supposed to go to Atlanta. Instead? Today I lived my life. I went to brunch with Audra, did some homework, went on a walk with Alex, went to dinner with Audra and went to Starbucks with fabulous friends. My heart is here. I'm not sure it was ever in Thailand. I have felt especially transparent this week. I have been going to classes and have been fearing people asking about "when the big day is". I cried today when I woke up and realized what I was supposed to be doing. I get teary-eyed now just thinking about it. The life I thought I was going to be living is no longer. Here I am, at Johnson Bible College in Knoxville, Tennessee. I'm a girl who was willing to stick it out in another country for five months, learning the culture and loving the people. I'm a girl who fell in love with a country and its people a year and a half ago. I'm a girl who has no idea what the heck God wants her to do. But I'm here. I'm learning. I'm loving. I'm living. Something I haven't done in a long time. It feels like because I let go of Asia, that somehow I started to live. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel whole again for the first time. I'm not sure why I feel this way, but my heart is filling more than it has in such a long time. I needed to not go. I needed to stay. The decision I made was the right one.

I will continue my semester at Johnson missing what I didn't have. More importantly, I will continue my semester growing.