Frying Pan Mania
Posted by Cracks Let The Light Come In , Wednesday, September 2, 2009 2:01 PM
Today we had student lead chapel for the first time this year. It was great and I have really missed the intimate setting. We had communion and I sat in my chair, again. But this time, something was different. The last few days something has been stirring inside of me. Something that I wish I could describe. It's like I'm coming alive again from this darkness and numbness that has overtaken my heart for so long. I think since I started attending conferences and retreats, I gained the mentality that a break, or restoration had to come with smoke, mirrors and fancy lights. But right now, I'm being challenged. Challenged by my friends- new and old. Challenged by my classes. I'm being forced to figure out what I believe and why. It's frustrating but wonderful! I haven't been challenged like this in my classes like this at JBC yet, and I'm getting hit with it all at the same time. Hello, frying pans from all different directions!
I have this strange peace about changing my major even though I never thought I would pick that for myself. Haha.. Because I didn't. I am taking a lot of tiny steps right now, but they are all in the right direction. When I didn't take communion this morning in Chapel, I talked with God. It was something along the lines of "I'm not ready yet". And while I said it in my head, I felt so incredibly foolish. I take so many things for granted, and for the last 5 years (the time I have been a Christian and attended Church), I have taken communion for granted. I haven't seen it as an act of worship but more as an obligation or as something that Christian just do. So as I sat in my chair as everyone around me got up to take the physical communion, I communed with my God in the most intimate way I ever have. It was so beautiful.
Walking around campus today, I have just felt this.. peace: something I haven't felt in so long. I doubt it will dissapate. I pray it does not.
Post a Comment