From LAX to Cincinnati
Posted by Cracks Let The Light Come In , Thursday, August 13, 2009 8:17 PM
The following is something that I typed into my phone while I was on my last flight during my Cambodia trip. I found it today, and it thought it was a good piece of my heart.
"So.. I'm on the plane from LA to Cincy. Matthew and Katie are both sleeping, but apparently my body is against it. I don't have a 'moving map' in front of me so I have no idea where we are and how much longer we have. I'm just so done with flying right now. Even though I don't want to be back, I would rather be at home than in limboland at the LAX airport, or in a hotel saying goodbye to my teammates. The weeks were good, and over too fast. My heart is still there and I am still processing. I have no idea what I'm going to tell to tell my friends and family when I do finally arrive in Cincy. I want to say it was frustrating, but then that could turn people off. Yes, it was fun, but it wasn't all fun and games. Yes, God was certainly present but He and I had it out a bit.
I wish I could look outside right now. I closed the little window shade thing because it was hitting Matthew and Katie in the face. I don't know where we are... but, hopefully this will be over soon and I can crawl into my own bed.
I think I'll tell people it was heartbreaking and incredible? Whatever second adjective I use.. heartbreaking is definitley one that needs to be in there. To be amoungst so much poverty, but at the same time so much love.. So incredible. Yes, Cambodia is an extremly dark country, but my heart is there. I wanted God to break me before the trip so I could fully experience it.. but I'm glad He didn't. I learned so much from this trip.. I don't know what is going to come from my life. I am disgusted with everything that I have, but don't know what to do about it.I want to get the word out and tell all American's that we're all unaware and selfish.. but I can't do that. Yes, I have a lot of words for my trip, but really.. I have none.I am still speechless from the beauty in brokenness. I mean, offering us their olny drinking water to wash our feet? Selling their own daughter for 100 dollars? Buing sex for 2 dollars? I don't know what to do with myself.. I don't know where to go and I don't know how to deal. I'm almost traumatized or something. Even when I write to get my emotions out, I get even more confused. It's when I start processing that I want to take action, and in my actions is where I get lost. With everything I've learned and experienced, my heart has been broken and my calling has been made. I have never felt more strongly about something in my entire life. Maybe it means I go back next summer, but maybe I don't come baack for a long time. Maybe I still do Bible Translation, maybe I change my major. Maybe I'm just really confused. Haha. I want people to know and I want people to get spurred on. I just don't know how."
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