The Truth.
Posted by Cracks Let The Light Come In , Wednesday, April 29, 2009 10:51 PM
I'm insecure.
I always have been.
I always will be.
And it sucks.
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The End Draws Near.
Posted by Cracks Let The Light Come In , Wednesday, April 22, 2009 12:47 AM
Well, it is 12:47 am, my roommate is asleep and I feel like my life is speeding past me before I can even think about breathing. Although I am currently sitting in the quiet of the night with only Lauren's refrigerator making noises and my typing, I can still hear all the ridiculous thoughts in my head of the things I have to accomplish in the next three weeks.
I love Johnson, don't get me wrong, but I feel very much like I will be thrilled when this semester is over. Not because I want to leave (not that reason at all actually). But because I can come back with a fresh start and a new perspective on things the next fall.
I'm going to Cambodia this summer. In 76 days, actually. I will be there for 16 days and will be spending the majority of my time with rescued sex trafficking victims. even though I m thrilled for this summer, I cannot help but think forward to NEXT summer when i do my internship. It seems like i will be in West Africa all summer with Pioneer Bible Translators. AND THEN, the summer after that, I start my semester early and go down to Dallas, Texas for one semester to get all of my specialty Linguistics courses at the Graduate Institute of Applied Linguistics.
I hope I make friends. I don't want to be lonely there.
For those that are actually reading this all the way through, it may seem like I have a lot of friends and that I am a "social butterfly". Inside.. I'm awkward and insecure. I feel like my friends don't like me and that they are only being nice to be because they feel sorry for me. Granted, not all the time, and not with all of them.... But that looming semester will be trivial and very interesting for me.
I will be rooming by myself next semester. Next year, really. And probably all my college life unless by some crazy happenstance I get married and then the man of my dreams becomes my roommate. In some ways, I am excited. I will not have to feel bad for sleeping (sorry Lauren). And can make my messes where I want to and only really have to clean up on roomcheck night... But, I will get lonely. It will be weird living by myself when I am CONSTANTLY surrounded by people. Even when I travel with Tour Choir we room together. 2, 3 I've stayed with as many as 5 other girls at once before! You learn a lot about people when you live with them.
You learn a lot about yourself when you live with people. I've learned a lot from my current roommate. I love her dearly and will miss her when she leaves and doesn't come back to slice me in half with a light sabor JUST to say oops, or turn on the noise maker every night so we can sleep. But, ya know.. People come and go in your life. She will go, but won't be forgotten. Truth be told, I'm not too sure who else could deal with my crazy phone-throwing-rants that I get into when some people upset me. I don't know how she does it. I guess I'm just not willing to try it out on anyone else... Oh well. I'll keep myself company :)
Anyway, I really should be getting to bed seeing as it's after 1:00 and my eyelids are beginning to droop.
Goodnight. :)
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