Present Day.

Posted by Cracks Let The Light Come In , Sunday, July 11, 2010 2:17 AM

Audra came to visit me tonight. We stargazed for five hours. It felt SO good just to be with someone from Johnson. I was reminded of how much I am loved by my friends at school and how well I am understood by them. Something inside of me shifted tonight while I spent my few hours with Audra.


I feel like I moved on.

I want to go back to Cambodia, absolutely. But being with her, it reminded me that my life isn't meant to be in the past. I have been living my life on pause since I came back from Cambodia and haven't been striving onward. I've been stagnant, pessimistic, annoying and annoyed. My joy has left, my smile has faded and in place a crater of depression has formed. But tonight.. tonight I felt so happy. Tonight I was living in the present.

When I left Cambodia, I left a piece of my heart there. But my heart didn't stop beating. I kept going. And I have found myself here, in this moment. Maybe I go back to Cambodia next summer, maybe I don't. Maybe I'm supposed to go somewhere else or I'm supposed think something else. ..Maybe I should stop thinking my plan and start living His.

All I know, is that sometime tonight, between Audra pulling in my driveway, the dew falling on the grass (and on us), the two of us laughing until we cried and staying up way past our bedtimes, a much needed shift occurred. A shift to the present.

| 0 comments

One Year.

Posted by Cracks Let The Light Come In , Friday, July 9, 2010 11:25 PM

If my life were set to music, some slow, sappy piano melodies would be playing right now. I wish I could explain it. On Wednesday, it had been 1 year since I'd been in Cambodia. Nothing else makes sense to me. I am ALWAYS missing Cambodia. Always.


All these crazy emotions come flooding into my heart and my head like waves at high tide and extinguish as fast as a forest fire begins. Wave after wave renders me immobile or causes me to jump to my feet. The next second, I am as stale as the crackers in the cabinet that have been there for years. Maybe I'm not alright. Maybe I do need to talk to someone. Maybe after a year I should be over this?

| 0 comments
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)