It feels like I haven't written in such a long time.
Update? Well, I'm officially going to Cambodia and Thailand. I was worried about funds and how I was going to get almost 800 dollars by next week. But, it never fails that God provides. I was practically handed money left and right. I now only have $74 dollars left before my half way mark has been reached and I can officially get a plane ticket.
I'm getting my temps tomorrow. I guess I won't be off the road for forever.
I'm doing homework this break which is way different than any other breaks.
I want to chop my hair off for my mission trip. Maybe.
Things are good, but I want to be back at Johnson.
I was going through some of my documents from last year, and found my poems from OTP. I decided to share them here.
Poem of Hope- Written December 9, 2009.
Twisting, twirling, swinging and whirling
There is nothing left for you to take.
Words devour more completely than sickness
Negativity crawls in through my flesh.
Locked eyes
Inward you gaze
Enough of this pain.
I cry with the setting sun, cast in eternal darkness.
Shadows loom, trees lurk
The sun turns its face away.
Treading thin lines,
Tightrope walking,
Drowning in the very air I breathe.
But, with one swift song, you sing again.
With words, shaky still, you speak.
Walls tumble, glass shatters, vulnerable we are;
Lights bleeding, refuge seeking, back into truth we fall.
I breathe with the rising sun, cascades of immeasurable beauty.
Forgiveness is found,
Light emerges
Twisting, twirling, swinging and whirling.
More later.
I'm pretty certain that the best blogs are written when the writers of them are supposed to be doing other things. What am I supposed to be doing? Pauline Lit quizzes, among other things for the week. I have 25 minutes before I leave for fellowship, small group, bible study.. whatever it's being called now. I've realized a couple things through out this week. 1. If you tell Satan to shove it, he really does stop whispering in your ear. 2. Girls are annoying. 3. I love adrenaline. 4. I miss silence. 5. I love soup. 6. People are really, really fake.
1. I've been having an incredibly difficult time the last few weeks, going into a month and a half. I have been surrounded by doubt and plagued by fear and anger. I hadn't felt this way in SO long. It took one of my friends treating me differently to realize that I was treating everyone else differently. We talked for a really long time and I told Satan to shove it. Things started going downhill after one of my friends asked me how I was doing. My response? I told him that I had joy. Real joy. Not a week later my friends started doubting, and then I started doubting. Then the anger came on and I lashed out (mostly in my head), but I wasn't me anymore. When I told Satan off, I felt calm, peaceful, and like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
2. Hahaha. Yes. Girls are annoying. I get testy when I'm around girls because there is always sooooo much drama. I don't care how "drama free" they claim to be. And PMS? It turns girls into demons. I would rather hang out with guys all the time. I'm pretty over it.
3. I shouldn't have seen Paranormal Activity 2, but I did. There are a lot of reasons why, but we'll leave it at that. But.. I loved the adrenaline it gave me! I felt alive and real and well.. alive. I don't really know how else to explain it other than that. I should probably become a hermit now.
4. This world is loud. I'm sick of people banging on the hall door or being obnoxious at 3 in the morning. I miss sitting in my room and listening to nothing. The loudest thing was the air conditioning coming on during the summer. I just miss it. I feel like life is always going here, and when I can't grab a piece of silence, it's more stressful.
5. Um.. yeah. I love soup.
6. I love people, but the more and more people I meet, the more I want to tell people to show me who they are. I've met more and more fake people in the last two years of Bible College than I think I have in my life. In high school people were fake, sure.. but they were real at some point or another. These people? Always masked. It's like Halloween all the time. It's stupid.
Well.. I would write more but I have to go now.
