There is so much on my mind and on my heart. I am supposed to be studying for a midterm I have tomorrow but my heart is filled with so much.
Only a few weeks ago, I was rejoicing with the LORD for blessing me with such wonderful, Godly friends. I had no idea those exact friends would be the source of so much confusion and pain over the next month. I have been on one interesting roller coaster that last few weeks. Everything aside, know what I've learned?
God is STILL sovereign. Still.
In my weakness. In their weaknesses. In my failed moments of being a counselor. In the tears I have cried. In the friends I have lost.
He is STILL sovereign. Over all of it.
He has taken my brokenness and made it whole. Complete. Beautiful.
There are so many fantastic things that are going on this week at Exponential. I'm not even sure where to begin.
For the first time in a long time, I am experiencing joy from serving other people. It reminds me of the call that God placed on my life so many years ago to go into missions. I am a firm believer that God can use other people to speak words to people and this week is no exception. I have had multiple people comment on how I'm "a ray of sunshine" or that I'm "going to shine". A lot of these people are people of authority over the volunteers. I'm flabbergasted by the pouring of the Holy Spirit by these people.
It may seem odd that a few simple words have seemingly changed my outlook on things.. But I can't explain how fulfilled I feel right now. So much is stirring in my heart. The people that I travelled all this way have been challenging me and they don't even know it.
I'm ready to be sifted.
There were points during this week that I felt like I was drowning. I got a very unexpected migraine in the middle of the week which threw everything off which caused me to miss two of my classes which I didn't intend on skipping until I go home in a month. This morning, I woke up at 7:48 for my 7:35 class.
But in the midst of all of that.. I'm learning how to live again! No.. waking up late and having migraines is not my idea of fun. But other things that happened this week are bringing me back to life.
I had my first musical practice last night. It felt so good again to be back in the saddle, doing what I do best. I was singing all the high notes, and people were kind of freaking out about it. It's so normal for me that I don't really think about it anymore. There is a song that Tour Choir is doing that has a quartet section in it, and because we lost a bunch of people, Mr. Weaver wanted it to actually be 4 people instead of a group of people. He called us all down there, and told us that the people with the most classical voices would be singing the quartet. And out of 6 sopranos, he picked me. :) Mr. Weaver hasn't really ever acknowledged my voice.. so this was a big deal for me!
I also found out that about 7 people nominated me for Secretary of Harvesters :) So.. you're looking at the new secretary! Yippee!
Tour Choir tours this Sunday.. which I'm excited about, and not at the same time. The 5 hour rehearsal tonight is not what I'm excited about, for sure. But I was asked to be on the PR team for Tour Choir.. which to me is a big honor. I get to represent the mission students at Johnson through Tour Choir :)
I'm sure that other wonderful things have happened recently, but I need to get cookin on my homework :)
Someone, somewhere once said that there comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book.
For a while now I've been so concentrated on staying the same, not changing and not accepting the fact that my friends are changing that I've been stuck in this awkward limbo. My friendships at home are changing. I'm getting closer to more people, and people I didn't think I'd be close to. And my friendships at school? Well.. it seems that I'l be doing life at Johnson for the first time without Audra or Joel really. Neither of them will be in choir. So this very familiar comfortable feeling that I've had for the better part of two years will suddenly be over.
I know that the New Year usually gets people into the goal-making mood.. but I think it's time I actually set some instead of wishing that I had.
-I want to do things for myself. I want to audition for the musical (and maybe try for the lead) because I want to!
-Forget being scared. I'm sick of being held back by fear.
-I think I should go on rives by myself. With the windows down-despite the temperature.
I just want to be happy. I don't want to be sad that my life seems to be taking unwanted turns. I want to love my life and love living it.
